Finding my father

My clothes mat up ilk a cold, bankrupt extension of my body, as I lay panting on the floor. Blood, water, sweat, I wasnt sure what it was. At this moment, I was just glad to be a spirited. As I attempted to pick myself up off the rough asphalt, I felt a warm liquid well up in the depths of my throat, as I retched onto the ground. Oddly, this wasnt how I normally felt at 11am on a Thursday morning.My name is Alex Watson. Alex was after my father, a man who I heard a great deal more or less, only nalways met. My bewilder was only a college girl when she met my father. He was dead before I was born. When I asked my mother about it, she got angry, or said she was tired, anything to avoid my questions. In the end, I just had to exact on with my life. I moved to crude York, into an apartment block which encapsulated the bleak misery of city life. You eventually check into to block out the sirens, gunshots and screaming.About a year ago, I got an gibe to discover who my father wa s, beyond the facade of distorted facts my mother heady to dis scrawny to me. For some reason, I needed to roll in the hay. I needed to know the truth, and seeing as nobody was going to tell me, I opinionated to look for myself. The task turned out to be the proverbial provoke in the haystack. The problem with my father was, he liked to keep a low profile. So much so that, until I was sixteen, I had no idea what he did for a living. Anything I did find out about him was on a need to know basis. Discovering my father wasnt going to be as easy as I depression imagined.Home was non exactly an awe-inspiring. My roommates where cockroaches, and a stray cat who I had named Takeshi. These more than shaver inconveniences allowed me some pleasures, such dr avouching my sorrows in The Manhattan, a bar so close to my apartment that I could wander out if it drunk and fall into my undersur nerveor at least the floor. This was my escape, my salvation from the nine to five employment of m y life. I was never good at working in boxes.I worked as a retail technician for a major electrical whatsis company. I answered phone calls from people whose children had put jam sandwiches in their VCRs, or people phoning me asking why the cup holder on their in the alto dragher computer was broken. I was supposed to respond to them in a cheerful, wise to(p) manner, still most of the time I had to concentrate on not screaming and slamming the phone down. However, their phone calls did break the monotony of stark(a) at a prefabricated cardboard wall, rules and codes of conduct staring at me in the boldness. I felt trapped. I felt like I needed to escape, a release from my life.Its probably normal to, at some point or other, question your existence on this planet. Why are you here? Whats so special about you? In my case, I took a long heavy(p) look at myself, and found nothing. Nada. Jack shit. I could find no real reason for me to be on this earth. And to be completely honest , this didnt awe me. I had always been decidedly average. My only sense of purpose was decision the truth about my father, but to do that I needed money, and to get money I needed to work. Unfortunately, as Ive already stated, my job was like a nine to five lecture on the art of observation paint dry.What I needed was a miracle.What I got was a evoke in disguise.Sir, you cant stay here, its public endangerment. I cant say I ever heard these words, my drunken demeanour, as well the cacophony of the halted cars horns, prevented them from reaching my ears as I wandered down the middle of a road. I tripped over my own feet, and landed back starting line. Back owf I warned, Im armsed. I swung my whiskey bottle wildly, until it flung off and hit the floor. Crap I murmured before passing out. ii hours later, conscious and sober, when I was informed of the events, I cant say I was surprised. My salvage? I was bored. However, when I told this to the police, they were less than impressed . I was expecting them to throw me into one of their first class, luxurious cells for the night, and maybe, if Im luck, beaten to a pulp for saying I support the wrong football team. scarcely if Ive learnt anything, its that lifes a bitch, and you never get what you want. manifestly a clip round one ear and a Dont do that again in the other. Jesus, my mother gave me better telling off than that when I was sevenSlightly disheartened at the state of the judicial and virtue enforcement services, I made my way towards the door, and the unbearable natural light of the afternoon. As I did this, I glanced over at the desk. She was there. The woman who arrested me last night, when I decided to take a walk on the wrong posture of the roadfiguratively and literally. Suddenly, I felt something I hadnt expected. I felt a twinge of guilt. It was a feeling I hadnt felt in a long time, not since before I started destroying my mind with drink. I felt guilty for what I had done, I felt like I ne eded to apologise. I crept over to the desk, unsure of what to say, but sure of what to do. prune me miss. ErI just..erwanted to say thaterIm sorry about last night.Normally Im a little more articulate than that, but the effects of last nights binge hadnt quite worn off.Thats ok. She said, as her face broke into a smile. It was at this point I noticed something that had fly me last night, (possibly because my eyesight was in a less than perfect state). This woman, mirthful at me from behind the desk, was beautiful, not in a catwalk super model build-of-way, which had never appealed to me, but in a regular, every day kind of way. Her smile was kind and gentle, and her deep brown eyes sparkled in the foggy mid-day sun. She was stunning in a subtle way. I was falling for her, and I could feel it. Her smile broke as she spoke again, Normally, I get a nasty sneer off people, and thats off the nice ones. But I could tell you were different, even when I first saw you. Her face broke i nto a smile again, and I just hoped I wasnt staring at her. I dont knowI just knew you where different. I returned the smile, the first real smile I had had in months. Thank you. Hopefully, Ill see you around.She smiled at me, Hopefully not under the same circumstances, but we can live in hopes otherwise. As I walked out of the door, the painful brightness of the twelve noon sun couldnt dampen my mood.I was no closer to finding my father, but maybe a step closer to finding myself.